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| Another of the regular Custom Yachting columns in which: Captain Willy Spillet of the Mega-Yacht “Outrageous” spills the beans describing what life below decks aboard these yachts owned and chartered by the rich and famous is really like. Many large yachts are chartered out when there owners are not using them or are unable to do so because of pressure of work and charters are arranged by brokers who, in the most part, act as a sort of marriage broker matching the suitability of yacht and crew to the desires and whims of those with money enough to pay the fees. Typically, a large yacht charters at what are called; Mediterranean rates and this means that the fees they pay, are for the yacht, her insurance and crew costs. This means that everything else is extra, including; harbour dues, fuel as well as food and drink. These expenses generally add twenty five percent to what is already a hefty fee for a week on board and generally ensures that only those who have loads of money get to charter. It is strange however that having a surplus of disposable cash and the desire to charter fifty metres of ocean going splendour, does not always accompany brains or the brightest of folk and they often come out with comments that are such gems as to be worth repeating around the crew mess table. You would have thought that those with enough money to hire a crew of fifteen to look after up to twelve guests would not have let such gaffs escape from their mouths but every charter seems to bring at least one worth recording! Take the time we were heading northwards up the Red Sea towards what was going to be the highlight of the charter: a transit of the Suez Canal. I was walking to my cabin and climbed up to the sun deck to reach the bridge, as I did so, I was asked by a pretty thing in what was a very small bikini “Where is the loo?” Thinking she meant the heads I gestured with my left hand towards the superstructure and said “There, port side. “Oh no I don’t think I can wait that long” she said. In another ocean but again headed for a canal, I explained the yacht would be towed in and out of the locks by mules, on arrival at the entrance to the Panama Canal just after breakfast I was surprised to see a guest armed with a packet of biscuits purloined from our chef. Thinking she may be hungry, I enquired if breakfast had been satisfying, she glanced guiltily down at the packet, blushed a little, and said “oh no, I wanted these to feed the mules.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her just then that the mules that pull the yachts in and out of the locks are huge diesel electric tractors that run on rails and I just hoped she would not be too upset with me when she found out. I also remember showing potential guests around a yacht during a charter show. They had boarded with their broker and had astounded me with the question “Did the crew sleep on board the yacht as well?” I explained, as diplomatically as I could, that in a voyage across the Mediterranean taking several days, it was difficult for the crew to commute to and from Palma and quickly changed the subject by asking if they would like to see the accommodation. The lady said “yes” and I took her forward to view the master stateroom; a full beam suite comprising of; owners office, king size bedroom, his and hers bathrooms, two dressing rooms complete with walk in closets and a spectacular day saloon complete with an atrium. She was clearly impressed and then stunned me with the statement “if this is the crew accommodation she I can’t wait to see the cabin I will be booking!” On another occasion I was showing a family the layout of my 74 metre yacht on their first day aboard and we reached the sundeck from the bridge. Towards the after end of the deck where two sets of stairs leading to the main deck below and the observation deck above. Before I had a chance to explain further, the daughter looked at me and asked “Do those steps go up or down?” I guessed the gene pool she came from might have been contaminated when; looking down at the foredeck, I explained to her father that the crew were accommodated beneath it and it was normal practise to reserve that deck area for the recreational use of the crew. He spun around and gazed at the stern and said “my god I hope you guys have an elevator to get from the front to the back!” Then there was the time we were approaching St Lucia and despite being some twenty miles at sea we could see the mountains clearly on the horizon. I explained that they were several thousand metres high. We then discussed our arrival in Castries the islands Capital port and my guest, the chairman of a huge bank, asked me “what elevation is the port at? Chartering in the Caribbean during the winter months is great fun but that fun is always heightened when you get guests such as those who took me ashore for dinner in Antigua. We sat at the beach side bar looking out at the yacht as she lay at anchor illuminated from bow to stern ablaze in lights when the wife of my host asked what our electricity bill was like, I began to explain that we did not have one and she looked astounded and asked incredulously “you make your own electricity?” One day when I suggested a circumnavigation of the island of Grenada so that my guests might appreciate the wilder coastline of the windward side I was asked by one guest “you mean this island is completely surrounded by water?” yet again, when explaining why we needed to leave port early one day I described our departure time as being Oh nine hundred hours and was asked by the son of one guest “Is that before or after nine o’clock?” That same young man had already shocked us by asking how we knew the water in the toilet bowls was salt “Ya mean you tasted it?” he gasped My favourite of all time was when I was explaining to guests who were going ashore for a party and were worried that there might not be enough food, that my chef would set up a special midnight buffet table for them to enjoy when they got back. What time will this Midnight Buffet be served?” asked one lady. If that was not enough, when the same guests arrived back and were greeted with the visual works of art my chef had spent all day creating, the same lady gazed at the table with both respect and awe at the stunning ice sculpture of a swan and asked What do you do with this beautiful ice carvings after it melts? |
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